Not with anyone else, but with myself.
I am trying to find the strength to just ignore all the pain and the problems and start living again!
The illnesses have taken too much of a hold on me, they intrude in every aspect of every day life.
It is like constantly having someone tell you "Don't do this" or "You can't do that" !
I can't focus, I have real trouble remembering things, like appointments, phone calls I am supposed to make even stupid things like making sure the kids have packed lunches... (Thankfully they remind me about these sort of things) I am in constant pain even with the painkillers whose side effects leave much to be desired...
Also I am so tired all the time! Quite often I simply fall asleep even while in the middle of a conversation.
I am so sick of plans being foiled by poor health or having to tell my children that I just can't...
I hate the fact that "friends" don't call anymore because I wont be able to go along anyway or that they simply stopped calling altogether. I actually told people to stop asking how I am as they I can never say " Oh I am fine, the illness all of a sudden magically vanished!"
I know I can't make them go away by ignoring them (or maybe I can...?) but I just want my life back!
I want to work, do the job I so love to do!
I want to be able to write THE book I have started so many times (which one it will be wont really matter right now) Someone offered me some help with that and I am really hoping that it will work out.
I want to be the mum my girls deserve!
I no longer want to be "Jeannine who is ill"!
I just want to be!
To be continued...
(I am too tired right now, so I am going to bed)
1 comment:
I am so glad, you did work the last two weekends and Christina just chooses you as makeup artist. This shows that you are doing a real good job.
This does you good. :-)
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